I am tired of the negative feelings

After 20 years of naval service, I have been transferred to the 'fleet reserve.' Basically, this means that I am still attached tot he navy, but because I have reached my high year tenure without reaching the rank of E7, or Chief Petty Officer, I am only authorized to be on active duty for 20 years. (Yes, there are sometimes extenuating circumstances that allow E6's to stay longer than 20, but none of them apply to me.) I knew this day was coming for a long time. I knew that there would come a day that I was no longer wearing the uniform of the United States Navy, that I would have to find another way to make a living, that the security I've known for so long was coming to an end. I should have prepared. Well, I should have prepared better, anyway.

Instead of paying off my bills and finding a good job, I spent too much time thinking that I would be able to find something lucrative fairly quickly. Then along came the economy. Well, I have yet to find that elusive career, I have instead put out hundreds of applications- all via the Internet, because that's how it's done these days- with little or no feedback. I am working with a small contracting company for far less money than I feel I should be making. Far less money than I need to replace the income I no longer get from the navy. I find myself wondering what went wrong and I keep coming up with the same answer; it isn't all my fault.

I am a believer in God and Jesus Christ and I also believe that I am being tested. Maybe tested is the wrong wording here. I am supposed to learn something from all of this. I'm not yet aware of what it is that I'm supposed to learn. I have figured out that I can squeek by on my new income and my navy pension. It is going to take a lot longer to get ahead, and I am going to have to make some adjustments, but it's possible. My wife is being very understanding about it, so my support system is strong. I started to feel very badly for myself, but as I have learned from past mistakes, pitying yourself does no good. So I am dedicating myself to learning as much as I can about as many things as I can. Something will work. It has to. But until that something breaks, I'll contnue to do what I can, work as many hours as I am allowed to and cut my expenses wherever I can. Negative feelings BE GONE!! I am still strong and will continue to talk to God each and every night. Soon, I'll see the lessons.